What She's Doing Now
by Carrie11
Summary: *Finished* Harm/Mac, Mic/Mac: Two friends drift apart and he wonders "What's She Doing Now"?


Title: What She's Doing Now

Author: Carrie ndchick@ou.edu

Spoilers: Yeah, Baby, Adrift, Touch and Go (but nothing major)

Disclaimer: I don't own them and I have no money, so don't bother to sue.

Rating: PG

Category: H/M, Mac/Mic, Angst

Summary: Two friends drift apart and it makes him wonder, What's She Doing Now?

Author's Note: Okay the song, "What She's Doing Now?" is by Garth Brooks (and no, I don't own that either). Feedback is appreciated and if I get some good ideas from you about what should happen next, I'll write a sequel.

You can find my other fiction and music videos at

http://students.ou.edu/B/Carrie.A.Belter-1/index2.htm

and

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/HarmAndMacShipperJag/

JAG Headquarters  
Falls Church, VA  
December 18, 2005

*****************************************

Last time I saw her it was turnin' colder   
But that was years ago 

*****************************************

The Admiral sat back in his chair, massaging his graying temples, feeling a headache coming on from his chief of staff's latest stunt in the courtroom. Groaning loudly, he pushed himself up from the chair, his aging body protesting the movement on such a cold December evening. He packed his briefcase, pulled on his coat, and grabbed his cover off the hat stand. Walking out the door he nodded to his chief of staff, whom had the decency to stand at attention, probably expecting a reprimand for his courtroom performance. The Admiral passed by and nodded, knowing that he should say something to the Commander, but conceding to the fact that he himself had taught the young Commander that particular courtroom tactic. Passing the Commander's wife, he smiled briefly.

"Sir, do you think you'll be able to attend the Christmas Party this year? I know little AJ would be glad to see his Godfather."

"I'll try Harriet, but I can't make any promises."

"Yes, sir. Merry Christmas, Sir."

"Goodnight, Commander Simms, Commander Roberts."

And with that stilted exchange, Admiral Harmon Rabb, Jr. pulled his coat tighter and limped out into the cool December air, his weight on the ever present cane, the snowflakes falling swiftly and briefly covering his thinning hair, before melting in nothingness. 

*************************************

Last I heard she had moved to Boulder   
But where she's now, I don't know

*************************************

Sarah MacKenzie crept quietly up the stairs, not wanting the wake the occupant in the room at the top. She peeked in the door and noticed that he had kicked off his covers again. Slowly she walked in and pulled the covers up and tucked them around his shoulders, warding off the late December chill. She smoothed her hand over his brown hair and leaned down to kiss his forehead. She wondered what he was dreaming of, noticing his sea blue eyes were moving back and forth underneath the thin eyelids. She smiled at the thought of those blue eyes, the eyes of the one she had loved most in the world. And she remembered.

**********FLASHBACK*********

JAG Headquarters  
Falls Church, VA  
December 2003  
2 Years Earlier

*********************************************

But there's somethin' 'bout this time of year   
That spins my head around 

*********************************************

"Commander Rabb," Admiral Chegwidden boomed across the bullpen.

"Yes, sir," he answered, tearing his eyes away from his partner, whom he had been making dinner plans with.

"My office, now!" Harm and Mac moved to follow the Admiral back into his office. "Just Rabb." Mac glanced quizzically at Harm, shrugged her shoulders and turned back to her office.

Harm's Apartment

  
North of Union Station  
  
3 hours later

Harm served up another piece of lasagna to the hungry Marine sitting at his table, then sat down in the chair next to her, taking her hand. "Mac, there's something I need to tell you."

"What is it Harm, you sound so serious."

Harm took a deep breath and began the second hardest speech in his life. "The Admiral told me that they're looking for a CAG for the Patrick Henry. Since the war, there's been a lack of experienced pilots and my name was at the top of a short list to take the billet." Mac moved to say something, but Harm held her off with a wave from his hand. "I've given this a lot of though, Mac. I think I want to take it, I think maybe I need to take it."

Mac looked down, trying to hide the anger on her face. "You're leaving, again." She said it with such a resigned voice that it nearly broke Harm's heart and his resolve. Nearly. Quickly she got up, swiped a tear from her eye before it could fall, and made her way towards the door.

"Mac, don't, this isn't about..." He got up trying to stop her, grabbing her arm.

She shook her arm out of his grasp and shouted, "You're right, it's never about ME, is it? It's always about YOU, what YOU want, what YOU need. YOU and you're damn planes." She turned and walked out the door, never looking back.

"Mac...!" Harm cried out, collapsing against the closed door. Tears fell down his face as he realized he had finally succeeded in messing up what he was trying not to mess up by not moving beyond just friendship with the woman he loved more than anything in the world. Though they had been building a close friendship for the better part of two years, Harm still could not let go, could not risk losing her if he messed up at being in a relationship with her. He had never even gotten the courage to tell her that he loved her. And neither had she.

Roberts' Residence  
Rosalynn, VA  
January 2004  
One Month Later

******************************

Takes me back, makes me wonder   
What's she doin' now

******************************

A month had passed since Harm's departure and Mac was finally beginning to deal with the loss of her best friend. That evening she was baby-sitting her precious godson, AJ, and his little sister Harmony Sarah Roberts. She's finally gotten the three month old to sleep when the phone rang. Reaching quickly to pick it up before the baby awoke, she said, "Hello?"

"Sarah?" The voice answered and Mac thought she recognized the voice, a voice she hadn't heard in two and a half years. "Don't tell me I've dialed the wrong number, I was trying to reach Bud and Harriet."

"Mic, it's good to hear from you," Mac responded politely. "You got the right number, I'm just baby-sitting."

"Ah," Mic returned. "Well, I recently ran into Alan Matonni and he told me that Bud had been injured in a land mine several years ago. I hadn't heard until now and I thought I'd call and catch up with him and Harriet."

Mic and Mac continued talking, her filling him in on the news at JAG and the Roberts' family and establishing a connection with a friend that had been forgotten amidst the ill-fated engagement and aborted wedding.

Roberts' Residence  
Rosalynn, VA  
May 18, 2004  
Four Months Later

***********************************************

'Cause what she's doin' now is tearin' me apart   
Fillin' up my mind and emptying my heart

***********************************************

AJ Roberts' fifth birthday party was going off without a hitch. The cake was served, the kids were running around on a sugar high, and the adults were collapsed on the couches in the living room. Suddenly the phone rang and little AJ ran to pick it up. 

"Hewo?"

Harm smiled at the sound of his godson's voice. He leaned against the table in the Comm Room of the Patrick Henry and smiled. "AJ? Hey buddy, it's you're Uncle Harm. Happy Birthday, sport!"

"Uncle Harm!!!" AJ was so exited to hear from his godfather. He started jumping up and down in excitement and his father came behind him to make sure he didn't fall on the slippery kitchen floor.

"Yeah, buddy. I'm sorry I couldn't come today, but I gave your Auntie Mac you're present. Will you go ask her for it?

AJ shook his head back and forth and frowned. "Auntie Mac left. Go bye bye."

"Ah, cutting out on the party early? Hey, buddy, put your mommy or daddy on the phone." AJ handed the phone off to his father.

"Hello, sir." Bud came on the line.

"Bud, it's good to hear you. How's the party going?"

"Well, it's in full swing. AJ's having a great time, both of them."

This earned a chuckle from Harm as he replied, "And the Colonel left early, I'm surprised."

Bud's forehead wrinkled in confusion. "Huh, sir, Mac couldn't make it. Flights from Sydney are awfully expensive this time of year. She said she was going to try and visit for Christmas though." He interjected a hopeful tone, knowing that Harm would home from his deployment by Christmas.

Harm's jaw dropped and his voice cracked, "Sydney, what the hell is she doing in Sydney?"

"Sir, you didn't know?" 

JAG Headquarters  
Falls Church, VA  
February 2004  
Three Months Earlier

*************************************************

I can hear her call each time the cold wind blows   
And I wonder if she knows what she's doin' now

*************************************************

Admiral Chegwidden marched into Mac's office and threw the door open, his anger apparent on his face. "Colonel, what is this? You're resigning?"

Mac looked up, startled. She stammered, "Sir, it's...well it's just something...it's time. I've been, well seeing Mic and I've decided to move to Australia with him." She held her breath and waited for his wrath.

"You're...? Colonel," the Admiral started out in a gruff voice, but AJ made and appearance and changed tactics, "Mac, are you sure about this? I mean, given the past. The Captain has only been gone for two months, maybe it's too early to be making life changing decisions." 

Mac put on her stodgiest expression and replied with her carefully scripted answer. "Sir, with all due respect, this has nothing to do with Captain Rabb. Mic and I have connected again and I think this time we can make things work."

He'd hoped to reason with her, but he knew once that Marine made up her mind, nothing short of a plane crash in the ocean could change her mind. "It's your decision, Colonel. I'm gonna miss you, Mac. You've been the best chief of staff I've ever had. Give me a week, I believe Commander Pike has been dropping hints about wanting to return to D.C. She'll make a decent replacement." He turned to walk out the door.

"And probably a good f#@&," Mac muttered under her breath.

AJ turned sharply, "What was that, Colonel?"

"Nothing, Sir. Thank you. For everything." The Admiral nodded and closed the door behind him.

Mac let out the breath she'd been hold and picked up the phone to call Mic. She reached his answering machine. "Mic, honey, it's me. The Admiral gave me two weeks. I'll start shipping my things over there soon. Love you. Bye."

She hung up the phone and dialed again, this time the airlines. "Yes, I'd like to make a flight reservation...From D.C. to Naples, Italy, and then a flight a week later from Naples to Sydney, Australia."

She'd give him one last chance. If he could tell her he loved her, she'd stay.

*******END FLASHBACK********

Harm's Apartment  
North of Union Station  
December 18, 2005

*****************************************

Just for laughs, I dialed her old number   
But no one knew her name   
Hung up the phone, sat there and wondered   
If she'd ever done the same 

*****************************************

Admiral Rabb keyed open the door to his lonely apartment. The chill of the outside air had invaded the space and the heater was doing a poor job of warming the loft. The air chilled his bone and his back reminded him of his fourth Martin-Baker, as if the damaged knee and the cane weren't enough. He slowly moved to the kitchen, pouring himself a finger of scotch, and moving to rest on the couch. He sipped slowly, enjoying the burning of the liquid down his throat. It was good to feel...something. Harm reached for the always present picture of her from his end table. He stared and traced her smile with his finger.

He picked up the phone and dialed the number he had memorized and almost dialed a thousand times before. Tonight was the night. The night when he wouldn't hang up before getting out the last digit. The phone rang several times before answering. Harm felt his breath catch in his throat.

A machine answered, "This is the home of Mic and Bridgette Brumby, leave us a message if you expect to be called back. Later, mate."

Harm hung up the phone, his bows knit in confusion. 'Where was she, and who the hell was Brigette?'

Mac's House  
Colorado Springs, CO  
December 18, 2005

*********************************

I took a walk in the evenin' wind   
To clear my head somehow   
But tonight I lie here thinkin'   
What's she doin' now 

*********************************

He had awoken, frightened by a dream, a nightmare. Mac rushed into the room and gathered him into her arms, rocking him gently as his sea blue eyes looked up to her for comfort. As he slowly drifted back to sleep, she stared longingly at the phone, knowing that a phone call would be all it took. Her eyes dropped to the sleeping child in her arms and her pride replaced the need to be comforted by him. He'd left her and she wouldn't go crawling back. She stared out the window, past the photograph of her son's father sitting in his father's F-4, and looked across the snow capped Pike's Peak, backlit by the setting sun.

*************************************************

'Cause what she's doin' now is tearin' me apart   
Fillin' up my mind and emptying my heart   
I can hear her call each time the cold wind blows   
And I wonder if she knows 

That what she's doin' now is tearin' me apart   
Fillin' up my mind and emptying my heart   
I can hear her call each time the cold wind blows   
And I wonder if she knows what she's doin' now

*************************************************

The End


End file.
